Oh woe is me, for I am undone

Oh woe is me, for I am undone. No life reclaimed for me.

I have quite obviously somewhere in my past life offended the Gods - for my heavens, am I being made to pay for something hidden deep within my past.

Whatever I touch turns to dust. Please excuse the Biblical references here, but until now, I considered myself a committed Christian, but am now so sorely tested, that I question my faith.

Everywhere I turn, my Machiavellian, twisted, tormented, positively evil ex-husband has got there first, grinning inanely at me, red horns and flashing eyes leering at me. I do think he is the Devil Incarnate, and his consort is a Jezebel, spewing her poison.

I despair - what have I done? Simply pulled up the drawbridge and called a halt to the nightmare that had been my life for more years than I care to count.

How destructive and how pointless - now apparently, after nearly a year without any financial support from him, and having to continue to run the family home until it is sold, he is now telling the world that I have had all the assets and more, and when will it stop, I will apparently never stop, because everything will never be anough for me. Er -we are divorced - I can't claim anything to add to the paltry settlement I accepted finally. I think he very conveniently forgets that after a 40 year marriage, a wife is entitled to a fair deal, not the crumbs he thought were my lot.

This man lied to the Courts, plundered the joint pension funds, spent for England for years on his mistresses and racing cars, was sacked from a good few jobs, and has basically continued to spend like no tomorrow on a finite purse, whilst I have lived hand to mouth. Great behaviour. He is ably urged on by the greedy grasping witch - how do they sleep at night? He lies to her, she lies to him, what a toxic combination.

Despite the obvious injustice, I never win. What use is a moral victory, when all around you are people who lap up their poison, and ignore me, because I am at fault, I must be musn't I, because that is what they are told?

Shame on the lot of them - not one of them has a moral compass.

I suppose I am feeling down because I have still a way to go before I recover after my recent major surgery - it will be several months before I can return to a normal life and pull myself together to pack up the house.

How can two people behave so badly, so spitefully, so selfishly, and believe that they are somehow blameless? What use is a moral victory to me, I gave 45 years of my life to this sewer rat, and in the process have lost almost everything that mattered to me, but not my lovely girls.

Life is never simple - and I know that many people have difficult, complicated lives, and one must be grateful for blessings and small mercies. but sometimes one is sorely tested, as I have already said.

But - you know something? Underlying all this spite and venom emanating from the ex I detect an unhappy man. After all, for years he had got away with so much, more fool me, and he obviously thought he was invincible. I chucked him out, I divorced him, I turned the tables on him, one can only assume that he is furious that I eventually got the upper hand on that score.

If he had intended at some time to go off with the bleached blonde trollope, I got there first - which means his finances have turned turtle on them. No big house in which to continue to entertain her and her friends behind my back, no large pot of gold, as he was sacked, so no large salary, or expense account to dip into any more, so no spoiling of the trollope at someone else's expense. Maybe, just maybe he is bitter. Dear, oh dear! After all, he has lost all the trappings that he felt defined his "success" in life.

Maybe I should take stock, and rejoice that his life is turning to dust as well. I cannot believe that the trollope is a satisfactory substitute, for instance, for his lovely girls. And - when I look in the mirror, boy, do I feel superior to the bleached blonde - no redeeming features when she confronts the looking glass. Personally if I looked like her, I would wince at my reflection!

Miaouw!